silence...

                         丑奴儿·书博山道中壁
　 　　　　　　　    辛弃疾

少年不识愁滋味，爱上层楼。爱上层楼，为赋新词强说愁。
而今识尽愁滋味，欲说还休。欲说还休，却道天好个秋。

 

培训中心的日子别想象中辛苦，更比想象中开心很多。不知为什么，感觉和身边的同学特别有缘分，短短的一个多月后都像是多年的老友似的。在中心的每一天都在班主任王娟老师的“算盘清零”中开始，也是在算盘的滴答声中结束。痛恨多时的算盘，惧怕许久的考试，一切过去后都变成了思念，围城效应又一次在我们面前展现了自己强大威力。在精彩多姿的成果展示会后，我们匆匆回到中心，等候着最终的判决。

一切计划都在变化，一切期待都化为现实。

早晨醒来，不必再为赶赴培训中心而手忙脚乱，报到的支行就在家里附近。习惯性的把算盘和练功券放入公文包里，突然想起已经没有人在那里为我们的练习发号施令。看到时代报的时候，会想到早上帮主一脸傻笑拿着报纸和一杯水走近教室，一切的一切都已经过去。

支行已经给我们定了基调，要耐得住寂寞。这是在这个镀金时代中提出的最高要求，大家沾满了功利与浮躁，没有岁月沉淀和个人的修炼，不知道我们能走多远。

太多的感受无所下笔，工作的无奈小尝后却已将成为常态。

人生的意义在于目的还是过程，在于未来还是现在，在于物质还是精神，在于梦想还是现实？

很喜欢Daisy的一句话：回头望，向前走。祝大家一路走好！

亲爱的Nokia同学，

       明天就要开始你工作征程中的第一天啦！感觉好像跟踏进一个新的学校一样，400名同学，有些兴奋和紧张，带着对未来的美好憧憬和希望。不同的是，这所大学是社会，在那里，错误的代价不是成绩和奖学金，而是金钱，事业，甚至生命。希望你能把学习中的一些经验运用到工作中：

1. 踏实与细心。我知道刚进公司的大学生有着远大的志向，但请记住千里之行始于足下。没有脚踏实地的业绩，再完美的计划也不能实现。没有建筑工人一砖一瓦，工程师的梦想永远都只能在图纸上。如果不踏实的学生在学校里仍然可以得80分，在这里只能得0分。

2. 少判断，多提问。世界无奇不有，大学的作用是告诉你自己的无知。存在的并不一定合理，但一定有原因。请少做判断，多提问，搞清楚问题后再做判断也不会迟。

3. 不要过多的计较金钱，但要多争取学习的机会。

大道理很多，说多了等于白说。希望你能把这三点做好，贯彻始终，在未来的5年内你一定能够问心无愧，对得起自己的青春。

永远记住，是金子总会发光，无论到了哪里。不要做无谓的比较，明确自己的方向，每天即使只走一步，也终有一天能够成功。

 

2009年7月12日 23：25

 

 

Yesterday I recieved dozens of blessings from my beloved friends who, I believe, was, is and will always be my company along our way to future, who I now understand more than anytime before the meaning to my life, who I feel so sorry for the neglect of care and love you have offered me silently.

This whole year has witnessed a boy to a man, a student to a worker to be. One year's experience never equals one year's growth, even growth does not necessarily means progress, and even progress is not synonymous with evolving for the better.

A deeper understanding of society does no good to a better life but only a clearer way to suit and survive. My mind has changed in a way even myself can not recognize, or even imagine before. Sometimes I feel  I am stranger to myself.

More knowledge of human nature contradicts its original purpose. Objection gives way to justification. In place of modification, indulgence sweeps and slaves my mind.

I used to raise a querstion till now no anwser can be worked out: to which extent should we suffer enough to live a smooth life? Naivety is good to have, but easier to lose. Maturity is hard to reach, but has no way back. If a classic question is "to be or not to be", I have to ask "to which extent should I be".

Again a same puzzle for our world, If the question for 20th century is "Communism or Capitalism", we have to ask today is "to which extent should we regulate"

Governed only by money and power, a society without conscience reinforces itself. Past achievements darken the watchdogs' horizen and pride stands in the way. Crisis amplifys human nature in a more extreme way than does capitalism.

If our first birthday serves to witness when our sandglass of life begins to be reversed, now what's the meaning of the followings ?It suddenly drawned on me that maybe they exist to give us pause to look back and ahead, to see how much we had, and how much we still have? 

 

Destiny

 

                                                                                                                                                        In name of Silence

 

Have u ever thought God is a DJ? A short movie on U-Tube just depicts a story on it.

 

A tragic accident where a man is hit dead by a car marks the prelude of a story explaining how even God can hardly defeat the destiny and safeguard our world. God, a DJ in this story who can reverse time by spinning the discs, happens to witness the tragedy. Without hesitation, he lays out his instruments, changing back the whole thing to spot the trigger of the accident. Then he removes the inducement and is about to move on. However, the alter of one element sets off a chain reaction which leads to another catastrophe claiming a even longer casualty. The stunned God again sets up his apparatus, saving lives by exactly the same method as the previous one. Once more, our world is saved. Just when God plans to turn and go, yes, one more accident takes place. This time, even God, who can give the world second chance, hesitates. After a short conflict of mind, he quickly pulls out his equipments, sets the story a little back, then without looking, he turns around running as fast as possible.

 

After watching the video, I am just thinking neither prediction nor second chance will change our destiny. Take the credit crsis, long before the financial crisis, some economists has made their right predictions. However, all these foresight and warning was totally ignored and even despised. Even Alan Greenspan who successfully weathered the economic aftermath of 911 attacks by lowering interest rate whatsoever did not address the problem; he just postponed it until a much bigger one happens.

 

Why? What makes tragedy inevitable? What destroys our world?

Greed, selfish, irresponsible, you name it. However, I would call it lack of a lesson on the rule of nature.

 

What renders accurate prediction futile? It’s the absence of lessons or so-called punches that preclude people from rational thinking or longterm view. After all, people learn from “lessons.”

 

And how about put off the Doom Day? It’s worse because if prediction can not take effect due to the absence of lessons, ways to postponing a tsunami are just sending the wrong signals or incentives, which even exacerbates the situation.

 

Some may ask what after all the origin of destiny is, an intrinsic cause or an extrinsic one. I would rather to believe the inner factor the core and outer one that pull the trigger.

 

World destiny can be hardly changed, our personal ones likewise. It really happens to every one of us, to our loves, lives and everything you do. Some lessons we have to take, even with an unaffordable price, maybe a breakup, jeopardize to our lives, or even the ultimate Doom Day. What’s sad is that even some prophets foresee it; there is nothing they can do but to wait for that final day.

Crisis happens when long-term efforts are neglected to the extent where the system can no longer afford to have long-term consideration until the crisis happens. This is the paradox of crisis.

不知因到了大四，还是春天将至，身边的男男女女都蠢蠢欲动，毕竟马上就要朝九晚五，错了，是朝五晚九，哪还有空恋爱！

 

有人说现在社会唯一不被认可的幸福是家庭幸福。听上去耸人听闻，仔细想想不无道理，毕竟我们都知道年轻人事业为重，男人自不必说，不可放下江山爱美人。而现代女性方方面面都追求男女平等，在事业上哪肯放松！毕竟经济基础决定政治基础，说得明白点，就是谁追钱多就听谁的！

 

有人说恋爱像买菜似的，青菜萝卜各有所爱！但现在已经不然，市场经济了，一切由市场说了算! 青菜2元一斤，萝卜1块5，傻子才选萝卜！就算我是萝卜也跟天天跟青菜混！但青菜毕竟有限，而且人家心里念着白菜，干你萝卜什么事情！而白菜天天觊觎着生菜！真是环环相扣！

 

还有人说一个萝卜一个坑，我是萝卜，我不稀罕蔬菜，找个坑还不容易嘛~！难，不是坑太小，就是坑太硬！这社会怎么找个坑也这么难？

 

聪明人渐渐发现，各种蔬菜在一天中的价格竟然也有不同！就如，青菜和生菜早上贵，到了下午收摊前则便宜许多，毕竟青菜，生菜这类的绿叶菜尽管好吃但坏的也快！而萝卜一天中价格比较稳定，而且萝卜要放一段时间价格会更贵！

 

别抱怨通货膨胀买不起房，吃不起菜，选错了目标才是痛苦的源泉！没菜自己种，没房自己盖，没洞自己挖！生活不奔小康都不行！

 

有这样思维的人不可谓不多，但更难得是一天天辛勤耕耘，看着人家吃生菜，安心自己吃萝卜，毕竟吃的萝卜干饭才是合格的好萝卜！相信终有一天萝卜也能变人参~

 

Something about Passion

 

Passion is something that sounds familiar but not necessarily experienced by every one.

 

Passion is the origin of miracle, love and momentum.

 

Recently a video recording the moment when our basketball team won our first championship recalls some of my passion, even to the slightest extent, which diminished since several years ago.

 

Now I begin to feel scared, not of the approaching end to my campus life, but of the wane of my passion which smothers curiosity to our world, creativity in our life and most important of all, the ability to concentration and love.

 

In my humble memory, my first passion was aroused ironically by one computer game called “Red Alert” in my 4^th year of primary school. Despite the high expense, I went to every means to play games, and even sometimes watch others playing for a whole day when it was financially impossible for me. Also in school, I invariably discussed with other players about different strategy and tactics, even with a preliminary feasibility report covering the cost and construction time in the game. After class, we put our theory into practice and examined our thoughts and made summary and improvement. This may sound crazy for those who share no similar experience. How can some one like something useless to the extent where he is totally immersed, even in sleep or on trip? However, for me, I feel it an invaluable treasure in my life, which enables me to experience passion for the first time. I never felt boring at that time, as far as I can recall. If there was some time vacant, I will fill it all with the thoughts on the game.

 

After Red Alert, Starcraft, another computer game took its place. However, something wierd happened at the same time. As my skills for the game got mature over time, my scores in school rose too. In school, I finished almost all my homework with incredible speed and accuracy. After school, I played games with full concentration.

 

Happy time always passes quickly. I was soon entering Junior 3, the last year in Junior high school, a period which was supposed to learn as long and as hard as possible. And my reasoning called a stop to my mania for the game, and filled its time with extra exercises which I seldom did before. To my dismay, my study disappointed my efforts.

 

In senior high school, basketball, in place of computer games, fired up my passion again. Half of my school time had something to with basketball.

In college, I became more mentally mature, and at the same time, less passionate. Most of the matters I took an active part in were still decided by interest, but this time, the calculation of utilization was added, which I felt sometimes lost, and for none my passion lasted long.

 

I was often hit by feeling of emptiness. Nothing seemed worth my time except those can make money. Basketball and computer game, now a time killer, created no passion but more void. I always heard my formers player for either computer games or basketball complaining after we played that nothing seemed fun any more.

 

Yes, at this moment, it suddenly dawn on me that neither getting old nor leaving campus should be our major concern and fear, but it would rather be the loss of passion which may lead our love to reality and life to mundane.

As passion fades away, so is our life.

 

事物进步的常规节奏是前进一大步，后退一下步，然后继续向前。股票的走势大致如此。有人把它叫做螺旋上升。之所以这样，自有其道理，姑且称之为自然的谨慎吧。

不过总有一些时刻，量变累积到了质变。如果这是一个优质的积累，则牛气冲天，而福兮祸所倚的也带来了熊市的到来。前进不步伐越大，调整的幅度也越大。这些都只是陈词滥调，并创新之处。但随着世界各国呼唤更多监管时，我却有一个疑惑浮上心头。

从金融市场上来看，总有虚高的时候，当泡沫起来时，监管者有着两难境地，管泡沫破，经济低迷，纳税人批评政策失败，监管者下台；不管则等待更大的泡沫，更大的危机，对于监管失职的声音也会如期而至，监管者还是下台。不过注意，比起前一种选择，后者才是监管者的最优选择。

这提供了一种两难选择的模型。管理者在面对“做损失3，不做损失10”的情况下，做了会错，因为人们不会看到可能降临10的损失，反而会责怪你产生了3的损失。而不做等到10的损失最终到来的时候，管理者还是不得不接受命运的安排。早死？还是晚死？你有答案了吗？

 

刚刚在看desperate housewife最近一集，很有感触，这集回顾了每个主角的人生转折，巨大而痛苦的转变。绝望主妇是一部不错的美剧，大概因为剧中点点滴滴好像天天都发生在自己身边，剧中人有时候像自己的朋友一样，他们的喜怒哀乐，像一面镜子，照亮我们前方的道路。

我不禁在想，有没有一部电视剧能够伴我们一生？或许我们一生也就是一部独一无二的剧本而已。

 

今天去打球，让我体会到了30岁待嫁女的心情。球场上的男人跟情场上的女人一样，年龄呈现抛物线，黄金年龄一过，心态仍不自然地随着经验积累而抬高，但资本却随着年龄增长而消逝，这种心态转变的过程之艰难，就犹如股市中割肉一样，一个价不卖，下一个更低价已经在前方。我们会说，想当年我也能跳这么高，但不能否认自己现在已经轮胎肚在身。还好这只是球场，输了球也就一阵郁闷。大不了咱不玩了。

 

经过过大四，人多少哲了点。看着物是人非，不禁感叹，in the persuit of one, we lose another, cause everything has its cost.

今天是值得纪念的一天，不管结果如何，总算给自己一个交代。

签了三方，但心里却没有任何安定的感觉，可能因为要等体检结果出来才能正式落实，也可能求职路已让人麻木，还或许这与我原来的计划有着一定的出入。但这就是现实，这是求职生涯中的必修课。

回想自己的求职路，数千份简历，几百次的网申，笔试，面试，近十份实习兼职，让自己懂得了，笨鸟先飞的道理。

也许现在是时候为这段经历画上一个休止符了。也许，后天Hp的面试就是大学阶段最后一场面试。也许，NPC的实习也会是大学生涯最后一段实习。因为时间太紧，不能多做逗留，应收起行囊，面带微笑，踏上下一段旅程。

 

P.S.感谢求职路上关心和支持过我的每一位同学，朋友和亲人。该请的我不会赖帐哒！私下找我哈！

原本计划一找到工作就要写一大篇的面经，但由于明天要体检，今天也太累了，这个计划不得不推迟。